His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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