I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
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In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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