I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
