I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
