We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
