he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
