he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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