does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
