Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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