I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
