my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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