this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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