We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
