I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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