What did we do last night that was yellow?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Be still, my beating vagina.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
