i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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