Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
