Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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