i would punch a child for taco bell
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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