It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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