I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Mom said you looked used
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize