I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
