i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
