last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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