Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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