You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
