You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .