I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla