she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you traded sex for a burrito?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette