it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.