'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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