I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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