it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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