I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
