What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
