My hand turned me down
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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