yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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