remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
