The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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