I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
