Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
