for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
