The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
