at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
