i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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