There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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