Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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