Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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