Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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