My liver just broke up with me...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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