This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
