I can tuck mytits in my pants
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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