i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wear drunk well.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
