Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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