other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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