My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
