all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
