im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
