Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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