I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
