Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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