Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want to make a zoo with you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize